I’ve got an intricate realistic fantasy take on heroes (and heroines) in romance. In general, I think my favorite H/Hs are closer to what I like in a real partner. I know many readers love reading about heroes they wouldn’t actually want to date (hello sexy but violently emo vampires), but that’s not my favorite.

So, when I’m dreaming up new heroes and trying to decide what makes my current wip sexy, I end up spending a lot of time analyzing my own feelings about men and women and the traits of a good partner. Here’s one of them: valuing accomplishment.

It sounds like a no-brainer to me. When your partner gets a raise, or a big compliment, or finishes that project that makes them feel like a goddamn rockstar, you’re happy for them. And when you meet a woman/man who’s making good money, owns an awesome house, or living their dream, that’s automatically better than the less-impressive alternative, right?

And yet, I have heard a surprising number of real life stories that go “Well we broke up because he felt like he had no place in my life with everything I have going for me” or “He seems really threatened by me making more money, so I try to let him control what we spend”. Yes, men seem to be more at risk of considering accomplishments a negative than women, though I’m sure it’s not completely gender-specific.

So, I’m going to draw a line in the sand here: someone who considers accomplishments a bad thing is not a real hero. Dump em. Move on. Yes, of course issues of time and valuing your partner at least as highly as your softball team are valid concerns. But if their concern boils down to “You’re winning life and I’m kind of losing it, and my ego just can’t take that…” Dump them!